There once was a bottom so plump,
It wiggled and jiggled with every jump,
It was round and it was firm,
A sight that would make anyone squirm,
But to the bottom, it was just a bump.
There once was a sausage so small,
It couldn’t even stand up tall,
It was short and it was thin,
It barely made a dent in the skin,
But to its owner, it meant it all.
There once was a tuppence so fine,
It was round and it was divine,
It was soft and it was smooth,
It was the perfect place for a groove,
But to some, it smelt like pine.
There once was a thing so rude,
It had a bad attitude,
It was crass when it was nude,
It would say things that were quite lewd,
But to others, it was just plain crude.
There once was a pair of puffy nipples,
They were round and they were dimples,
They bounced and they jiggled,
Whenever they giggled,
But to others, they were simply symbols.
There once was a sack so round,
It jiggled and wobbled all around,
It was filled with little balls,
That bounced and bounced against the walls,
But to its owner, it was simply profound.
There once were monsters in my pants,
They scared me with their creepy advance,
They had teeth and they had claws,
They gave me such terrible pause,
But in the end, they were just fake chance.
There once was a man who loved to chew,
He’d do it in private, away from view,
He’d chomp and he’d grind,
With his mouth so confined,
And when he was finished, he’d give a big whoo!
There once was a dongle so small,
It could fit in a pocket, no haul,
It connected to devices with ease,
And it never caused any disease,
But to some, it was simply a ball.
There once was a computer so suggestible,
It would do anything that was credible,
It was a machine of great fame,
But it was easily swayed by the game,
Of those who were persuasive and lovable.
There once was a spam caller so bold,
They called every day, young and old,
They’d try to sell you something grand,
But you’d hang up with a quick command,
And to them, you were just a scold.
There once was a thing so absurd,
It needed to be inserted, not just heard,
It went in with a push and a shove,
And it came out with love,
But to some, it was simply blurred.
There once were fingers so sly,
They’d wander and they’d pry,
They’d touch and they’d feel,
They’d reveal what was real,
But to some, they were just a lie.
A limerick haiku, oh what fun,
Five seven five, it’s done,
A silly poem, with a twist,
It’s funny and it’s crisp,
A haiku limerick, it’s won.
There once was a unicorn so pink,
It danced on rainbows, in a wink,
It was fluffy and it was fun,
It bounced and it spun,
But to some, it was simply a link.
There once was a time to stop,
To put down the pen and the mop,
No more limericks to write,
It was time to say goodnight,
But to some, it was simply a flop.
There once was a goodbye so true,
It came with a heart that was blue,
It was hard to say and it was tough,
But it was time to leave and be rough,
And to some, it was simply new.
In fair Verona, where we lay our scene,
A limerick doth play, full of fun and mirth,
With words so sweet, and rhymes so fine,
It doth bring delight, to all who doth dine,
On this poem’s beauty, of endless girth.
There once was a browser so private,
It hid your tracks, so no one could cite,
You could browse and you could search,
Without anyone else knowing, in church,
But to some, it was simply a sight.
There once was a swing so tall,
It went up and it went down,
It was fun and it was wild,
It gave us a thrill and a smile,
But to some, it was simply a fall.
A limerick so,
Brief and to the point,
It’s short and it’s sweet,
With no time to cheat,
A limerick that’s,
© Copyright 2023, Aidle MacAie (guest writer)